girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
