I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
