it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
