sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize