Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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