I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
