U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
