Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
