goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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