Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
