wanna go halves on a baby?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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