for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
