Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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