there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize