Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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