Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
