Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
