Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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