In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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