i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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