somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
