i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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