brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
