No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
