Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
