Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
