My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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