just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize