im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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