i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
