Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
