"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
