no, he came in my armpit
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
