Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
