My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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