he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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