I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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