i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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