im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
