who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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