Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
