it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
