She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
