How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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