just come out here and I will go home with you...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize