If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
