I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Randomize
