oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
