That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
