I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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