im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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