Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
