he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
