The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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