I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
