So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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