Screwed.edu
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize