I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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