I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
