Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
