All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
