At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize