My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
