I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
