Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He passed out mid-signature
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
