I looked at my own cervix.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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