I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
