woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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