Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
