Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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