Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
