omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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