But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
