My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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