Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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