somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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