Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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