I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
worst night to have a conscience
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
