onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
