True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
