Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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