you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
