I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
