I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize