made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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