You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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