Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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