He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
