i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
