the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
