yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize