You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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