she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want a musical about memes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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