he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize