i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
