Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
