Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize