it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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