Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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