Nicole vs. Life
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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