I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
