I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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