before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
