now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
