just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
