both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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